There's power in the words we choose to use. I know this and yet I sometimes forget this.
In our home we have released the word, perfect from our vocabulary. This came about when we realized that our son, who was 4 at the time, was trying to attain perfection. Of course my husband and I both know there is no such thing as perfection. We certainly had no expectation for our son to obtain perfection and we ourselves weren't trying to achieve it. At least not consciously. We realized that his desire to seek perfection was simply a response to our use (or rather our over-use) of the word. It occurred to us how much we used, 'Perfect' as an unconscious response to questions and situations.
Our son began asking us if his, ‘Coloring was perfect?' Or he would say that he, 'Wouldn’t be finished, (something) until it was perfect.'
It was through him that I realized, perfect was my go-to word. Not only was I using it in response to his activities and creations,
‘Mommy look at the tower I built.’
‘Perfect, great job!’
I was also using it for everything else.
I got everything I needed on my grocery list? ‘Perfect.’
We secured a babysitter so we can attend that event? ‘Perfect.’
I was able to book my hair appointment on the day I wanted it? ‘Perfect.’
My realization of my own over-use of this word, also made me realize how often it was being used by others. Like the salesclerk who recently replied, ‘Perfect,’ after asking me if I had found everything I was looking for and I told her that I had. Or the last time I called to change an appointment and receptionist ended the call with, ‘Perfect, we’ll see you then.’ What I have observed is that for most people, 'Perfect' a very common (and perhaps even unconscious) word to use.
I also pondered if I wasn’t subconsciously trying to achieve perfection. Could it be possible that by continuously using this word, I was actually trying to attain perfection without realizing it? Of course the automatic response to that question would have been, ‘No.’ However after spending time honestly considering this possibility, I came to the conclusion that I was in fact, subconsciously seeking perfection in the things that I do.
It’s been a few months now since our new practice and I’m proud to say that we’ve all been more mindful to use other words. I now allow myself a moment to thoughtfully respond, rather than quickly and unconsciously replying with, ‘Perfect.’
Our son has altogether stopped using this word. He is also very good at reminding us when it does slip out every once in a while from my husband or myself. It’s been great to have him remind us when we've been unconscious in responding and used perfect simply out of habit. He is also very good at pointing out when he hears others say it. Both of these observations by him make me smile, because it lets me know that he is aware. And not only are we all more aware, we are all more accepting of things being just as they are.
It never ceases to amaze me all the incredible things that our children teach us. I'm so grateful our son brought this to our attention. I'm so grateful for all the insights that have risen from it. It has been an eye-opening and thought-provoking lesson for all of us in our home.
It has actually been enjoyable for me to allow a moment to think about what else I could say, utilizing the vast array of other words that are available for me to use. And I also believe that releasing perfect from my vocabulary is contributing to me being a better me.
I challenge you to consider if you are also unconsciously using perfect and if so, consider releasing it from your vocabulary. It may prove to be an eye-opening and thought-provoking lesson for you as well.
