Here's a fact that I denied for a long time until I learned the valuable truth ~ I can't do everything.
Learning that I can't do it all has been a lesson I've had to learn on my journey to living well. For so many years I lived my life overdoing everything. Overworking and overcommitting because it was the only way I knew how to be. Living with the distorted belief that, the more I do, the better I am. How absolutely ridiculous this belief is! Further, living with constant (self-imposed) pressure to do more to prove my worth. Or, show others how great I am as if to say, 'Look at all the things I can accomplish.' Both of these are indeed distorted. More importantly, overdoing doesn't serve my highest good. I'm not required to do everything that comes my way and neither are you.
Honoring my time, my needs, desires, and my body, are the priorities for me now. If something doesn't honor one or more of those and serve my highest good, then doing it won't fulfill me. In other words, it won't help fill my well. In fact, it'll contribute to draining my well. Feeling drained isn't something I strive for. When my well is full, I live and give from my full self rather than my depleted self. Living with my well full means everything and everyone else around me gets all of me AND the best of me.
If something doesn't serve my highest good, not only am I not serving myself, I'm not really serving anyone else either.
Sometimes it can be difficult to determine whether or not something speaks to your highest good. This is especially true when you begin learning that overdoing isn't necessary. So how do you know? I know by the way my body feels. When it comes to making decisions, I always trust my body. I know that the body never lies. It has no reason to. It only speaks its truth and my responsibility is listen, then respond accordingly. Some of the signs I pay attention to are; feelings of overwhelm, a feeling of unease in my gut, tightness or tension in my shoulders, and heaviness in my heart or chest area. For me these are all indications that mean saying, 'no,' is a wise move on my part.
I now understand there's tremendous value in saying no to things that don't serve me. Even if it means upsetting the person I'm saying no to. I also understand that if someone feels upset from my no, it means their request wasn't really a question. Asking a question that requires a yes or no answer means that you may receive no for an answer. Expecting a yes and not honoring a no, means the question asked is really a statement in the form of a question. Of course, one may feel disappointment when hearing a no, that's not the same as feeling upset or challenged from it.
I love that I (finally) live with this knowing....At the end of the day not everyone is going to agree with me or what I do. Not everyone is going to like me or what I say. People will judge me. Misunderstand me. Criticize me. This is reality. So much freedom comes from accepting these truths. I also love that I've successfully let go of my people-pleasing ways.
Learning that I can't do everything has also taught me the valuable lesson of delegating. Offering a task from my busy schedule to someone else is now something I can do with ease. It didn't always come with ease though! I used to live with a plethora of reasons to not delegate and ask for help.
Some of those reasons were:
I didn't want to burden somebody else
I didn't want to appear weak or seem as though I couldn't handle it all
Being able to do it all boosted my ego and made me feel in control
The reality is that trying to do it all burned me out. Constantly overdoing left me feeling drained. It made me feel resentment for doing a whole lotta things I didn't really want to be doing. And here's the irony of it ~ the more I did, the more in control I thought I was. When in fact, I was being controlled by the never-ending list of shoulds and have to dos that I lived with.
There's enormous freedom that comes when we're willing to honor who we are at any given moment: when we release having to do it all, embrace saying no, and are willing to delegate to others (who are probably more than happy to help us out). I've come to learn that this is when we are living in our true power.
What are some of your reasons for not asking for help? And, what's one task from your to-do list that you could delegate to someone else to free up some time for yourself? Please leave a comment and let me know.
If you love this blog, I'd greatly appreciate you sharing it so that others can benefit from reading it as well. Thank you.
Looking for more tips to help you live well? Check out Your Live Well Journey - The Podcast, every episode offers ways to help you improve your self-care.
Want to learn how to stop overdoing? Are you ready to say no and delegate to others? Click here to learn more about my Mentoring Program and book your FREE consultation today!