My husband and I spend a lot of time outdoors, particularly in our backyard. It seems like we're always out there playing with our children, gardening and doing yardwork. (Which is actually more like ‘yardplay’ for us since we don’t think of it as ‘work’). We also sit outside nearly every evening after our kids have gone to bed during the summer months and into the early fall. Both of us can’t get enough of being outdoors, we absolutely love it!
Over the years, we’ve made an interesting observation about being in our backyard vs. being in the front of our home. We’ve noticed that people tend to be more of themselves while in their backyard. This is where they tend to take off their social mask. You know the mask I’m talking about. It’s the one that we all put on, whether we are conscious of it or not, to show the world our best self. This is when we walk around wearing a perpetual smile on our face. It’s the one that says, ‘Everything is great!’ When we’re wearing our social mask, we're never rude or snippy to anyone and we definitely don’t yell at our children.
In the backyard, we tend to feel like we are less ‘on display’. It’s easier to feel like nobody else is listening or nobody else can see us. It’s where we feel that we have more privacy. And I suppose it depends on where you live as to how much privacy your backyard provides. Where we live, yards are right up against each other. So even though there’s a fence or a row of bushes separating you from your neighbor and it feels like you have privacy, it’s a bit of an illusion. You can still easily be heard and maybe even seen by your neighbors.
It’s in this backyard space where my husband and I have observed who people really are. Not with judgment, just simply observed. Not because we are spying or eavesdropping, just simply because we can’t help but overhear or even witness our neighbors’ behavior. It’s here that one might respond rudely to their spouse or partner who is asking them something. It’s here that children get yelled at, ‘What are you doing? Pick that up. Don’t do that again!’
While on the other side of the house, people tend to be far more cautious with their tone and with their behavior. The front of the home feels a lot less private. This is where people tend to be much more aware of how others will judge them. And tend to be much more alert, knowing that a neighbor could walk out their front door at any moment or that someone could come around the corner and walk past their house and see them. Rather than vent our frustration or annoyance to our child for what they've just done, we tend to respond in a much calmer, patient way, ‘Oh no honey, don’t do that please. Could you please pick that up? We’re not going to do that again, right?’
Like all things I observe in the lives of others around me, I began to observe this in myself. I allowed it serve as lesson for me. For the first time, I became aware that I also tended to present my best self more often in the front of my home than I did while in the back of my home. I too, wore the smile from ear-to-ear and found myself to be in a state of calm and happiness, while in the front. I also noticed that it was not only in my tone and behavior, it was also in my body language. And I observed that all of this contributed to how I felt. I stood taller in the front and I felt less tired in the front. That nagging headache didn’t feel quite as bad in the front because my thoughts weren’t dwelling on it as much.
Then it occurred to me, if I could be my best self some of the time, why couldn’t I be my best self all of the time. Or at least, most of the time.
I started to think, 'Don’t I owe it myself (and to others) to let go of the social mask?' The truth is that that mask is only an illusion of who I want to appear to be. That mask is a false representation of my best self. The truth is that I am human just like everybody else. That I too, live in the real world with real life stressors and real annoyances. What I've come to realize is part of those ‘real life stressors and annoyances’ is wearing the social mask. It’s wasted energy and it causes stress trying to be your best self.
It is up to me and within me to remain committed to taking care of myself first and to keeping myself at the top of my to-do list. When I do this, I am setting myself up for success to being my best self, authentically. For me this means allowing time for myself every day. Remaining consistent with my meditation practice. Nourishing my mind and body with the best possible foods. Nurturing myself with things that I love. Allowing myself time to play and have fun. Ensuring that sleep is always a priority. And surrounding myself with others who love me for me and genuinely want the best for me. All of these things contribute to me being my best, authentic self, as much as possible.
What I have learned is that when I remain committed to keeping myself a priority, it becomes completely unnecessary to wear that mask. In fact, it feels like less work to remain committed to doing the things that I know fuel my soul, than it does to wear the social mask.
When I allow myself to be a priority and I nurture my mind, body and spirit, I am more of my authentic self whether I am in the back of my house or in the front of it. And this is who I want to be.
